Moulding Young minds (besides your own)

24/10/2005

I'd just volunteered to teach 10-11 year olds at my kids' Sunday Dhamma class... well, I sorta "volunteered" earlier n my good friends, KV & wife 'reaffirmed' my intentions to the organizing committee.

I've been having sleepless night twondering how and what to teach these young 'sponges' whilst I'm still learning how to teach n guide my own twosome. Off the top of my head, I had this 'inspiration' of recapping what the other teacher had taught the previous week n getting the kids to act out the lesson. Of course, I realise that this would only be fun for a very short while.

I also had this 'inspiration' of teaching the kids meditation, particularly Metta or Loving Kindness meditation with a sprinkling of Mindfulness of breathing (Anapannasati) meditation to calm them down. If only I know Tai-chi, I could get them to burn off their excess energy doing tai-chi before settling down for the lessons.

On the other hand, I could just ask them questions to stir up their little young minds and encourage independant thought rather than the state-sanctioned rote-learning, listen-n-follow-to-the-teacher-only-type education they're getting from everyday school.

I wonder if I'll have the parents and other teachers up in arms 3 months into next year when they realized that their 'obedient' and 'orderly' kids had suddenly begun to show signs of independant thought after being in my care.

12/09/2006

Well, I had my first "crisis" last Sunday. One of my students' younger sister was teased by the brother's classmates and she retaliated. When I tried to separate them, she started to panic and ended up wailing n crying. Big brother was no help as he tried to shy away from her. Had to 'enlist' help from the school's principal before he 'took' back his responsibility as big brother.

Wonder if she'll ask her parents to drop her off at her 'tai kor's' class next. Guess I'll just have to wait n see.

Our Role As A Parent, Adult and Educator – From a “Buddhist” parent’s perspective

I’d just came back from a Sunday Class with Jonathan, my eldest boy where something happened that made me question our being there and most importantly, our roles as parent, adult and educator to children, not just ours but every child out there, related or otherwise.

A member of the committee running the centre decided, somewhat arbitrarily, to cancel the Puja and hymn singing session that all the kids (at least my boy and my close friend’s girls) were expecting. Why? Because they have a very important speaker from overseas coming to give a talk.

This was the second surprise the centre had given me. The first occurred on my first visit there. Some visit that turned out to be. The doors weren’t open n there was a piece of paper notifying the parents that all classes had been cancelled…because an important visitor was giving a talk nearby…for the adults, of course. So where did we go since the classes were off? Where the kids wanted to go, where else? After all, it was their enthusiasm to learn that we’re there in the first place. Of course, we parents did build up their eagerness to learn about Buddhism, the religion/belief system/practice of their parents (well, in my case, one parent. Not sure what the other half believes in).

This incident made me question the centre’s intention in setting up a Sunday school/class for kids at the centre, which also has Sunday activities for adults/parents.

Why did you all decide to run the Sunday School? To earn through subscriptions? Nope, don’t think so. Not for 30 bucks per year! Perhaps hoping to get more donations from the parents? Possible, parents have greater spending power than school-going kids.

Or was it to make the centre known? For what? That you have a well-known Buddhist speaker as your patron? That you have corporate leaders in your fold? Might as well fold up your “Buddhist” activities and start a social club then. Better chances in getting funding.

NO! I believe you all had decided to start the Sunday school because you all believe that learning should begin early and that the children should be taught the principles of Buddhism so that they’ll become a better person and a contributing citizen of Malaysia. Why else would the verse “may this country be blessed with Peace, etc, etc” (or something that that effect) be included in the Puja.

Never have I come across such a Puja, most would have concluded with the Salutations to the Triple Gems or the chanting of Parittas or the Gathas (offerings of flowers, food and incense). I have participated in Pujas in the past (when I was very active in Buddhist centres).

Noble intentions indeed! But I believe it was lost on these two occasions. Not intentionally (I hope).

What did the children learn from these two unfortunate occasions? That their needs were not as important as the adults? That the teachers’ needs far outweigh the needs of the children? If so, isn’t that a selfish decision on the part of the ‘grown-ups’?

As a parent, I now begin to understand the sacrifices my parents made while I was still young. I’m still young….when compared with my parents and other elders.

I digress. Back to my bone of contention…as I’d mentioned, I was active in a Buddhist centre once in the past. We used to conduct regular weeklong meditation retreats and we’d attend them in turns. At least two of us would stay back to ensure that the regulars and visitors are still able to participate in Dharma classes, Puja and meditation classes.

We also ran Sunday classes back then and by taking turns (especially the English and Mandarin-speaking), we’d ensured that classes in both languages ran as scheduled and that those not able to attend the meditation retreats still have a place to go to learn and practice.

By making such decisions, I wondered if they’d realize that they are telling the children that they (the kids) are not important and that their needs are also not important. Is that what parenting is about? Is that what education is about? Is that what being an adult is about? That when we’re children and our parents, in their blissful ignorance, had treated us in a similar fashion so we repeat the pattern by doing the same to our next generation?

Sounds like some juvenile “ragging” to me. When I got married, I’d told myself that I’d not repeat the negative parenting techniques that my parents had used on me, on my kids. I’m still in the process of changing as I became more aware of my reactions (not responses, two very different things) to my children’s antics. The rotan’s still here in the house but a whole lot further from reach than before. I’m learning to respond now rather than the instinctive ‘react’.

Not easy as it sounds, what with the stress from work and all, I’m sure you’ll all agree.

So, if catering to the “needs” of the adults means that needs of the children are put aside, what are we really teaching the children? What kind of leaders, “pillars of the community” are they going to be? What would happen to learning the Buddha’s Teachings (Buddha Dhamma/Buddha Dharma to the ‘hard-core’ perfectionists in our midst)? Would it be put aside so that their material needs are met, be it the need to be a part of this community known as ‘Buddhist” or the need to participate in a “Buddhist” activity to assuage the “missing” part of their being called Buddhists?

Most of the attendees of the Buddhist Talks would never show up again until another ‘important’ speaker comes, better if he/she/them are foreign. These ‘listeners’ will show up in droves, I tell you! I’d rather not attend least I be known as a hypocrite. I have my own way of learning the Buddha Dharma, my own way of practicing it. However, I acknowledge I do not have the skill to teach it, to educate others in it. Therefore, I look for Sunday Schools.

So, again, I ask of you, the members of the Buddhist centre, why are you there? Why did you start the Sunday school? What were your aspirations when you volunteered to teach/lead the Sunday school? What are your aspirations now, when there’s a speaker giving a talk that you’ll very like to hear? What are you willing to sacrifice? I believe leaders do have to make some sacrifices from time to time for the greater good of the team. As a parent, I too have to make sacrifices along the path of parenthood for the better good of my children.

AS a Mahayanist, where is your Bodhisattva spirit? I know you Hinayana guys out there might say, “there is no self therefore no Bodhisattva spirit within or without”.

Zen and Chan schools actively promote Non-self, (which, BTW, are part of Mahayana)so to do Hinayana (Theravada) schools.

This being the case, why be selfish n cancel classes so that you can go listen to a talk? Matsushita™, Sony™ and the likes didn’t spend all those R & D money designing and selling cassette and CD players for fun, you know? That’s what cassette recorders are for, to record so that you can play it back at a more convenient time! Again and again and again and again...just like the Energizer bunny!

DVD recorders are now available, someone in your midst would be geek enough to have one or a vintage video tape recorder will do as well. Creative® and the likes didn’t do R & D in desktop editing for fun, too, you know?

Spare a thought for the children. They are at their most vulnerable and most impressionable part of their lives now and you have the opportunity to be part of their lives. You have the opportunity to guide and mould them to be “pillars of strengths” in society. A small sacrifice in your part but for the greater good of their future…our own future! – Remember, they determine your retirement home.

To quote one of my favorite movie character, Mr. Spock,

“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one”

Now, there’s a Buddhist for you. Question: where does children stand for you with regards to the above quote? Didn’t Prince Siddartha give up his luxurious palatial life for Eternal Freedom from the vicious cycle of rebirth and suffering, for the good of all mankind, for the good of all sentient beings? Did he not give up his needs (the needs of the one) for the needs of the many?

Do you not aspire to be like the Buddha, the Bodhissatvas and the Noble Sangha?

Kevin Low - Kuala Lumpur

Sunday, August 14, 2005 16:30:56