Disjointed Thots (or Zen and the Art of Bringing up Jon)

Multi-sensory approach to learning

2011-01-05T21:46:00.000+08:00

My sis-in-law just arrived from Melbourne a couple of days ago had earlier emailed me about a book by Ron Davis on Dyslexia and how to handle it. We kind of continued our email conversation last Monday evening when we (my family and I) dropped in at my parents-in-law's where sis-in-law would be putting up for the time being. It was noisy as usual since most of the rest of the family haven't seen them in quite awhile.

It was, in a sense, multi-tasking in action for my sis-in-law as she tried to handle multiple conversations simultaneously. We spoke briefly about Ron's book that she'd bought for me, not realising that I'd already obtained a copy for myself several years ago. I mentioned that the exercises listed by Ron at the end of the book are based on his own experience growing up with Dyslexia. Some of the exercises involved a sensory approach which she could identify with as she had some training in the Montessory teaching method.

We also touched briefly on phonics and I briefly explained how phonics alone couldn't do much for Jon as he struggled to read during his primary school years. He's now trying to read articles about teenagers in the papers. He can do it as long as we parents stay off his back. She mentioned that there are many methods of teaching phonics and each is different from the other. Well, that's where our conversation ended for the time being.

I then spent the remainder of the evening talking to her only son on his pursuit of a Bachelor Degree in Music. I queried him on the course content as well as what he would acheive when he graduates. He said that he would be taught music composition i.e. how to compose music, and conducting which lead me off on a bit of a tangent describing the movie August Rush and how it "show-cased" a non-strumming method of guitar playing. I made sure my missus and Jon was sitting and listening in on the conversation as we spoke. I hope that it wouldn't result in her pushing Jon to practise music harder. I was trying to pique Jon's interest in music and to let him know that there is more to music than just practising a few pieces over and over.

By coincidence, just now as we arrived for dinner at my in-laws', my nephew was sitting at the piano randomly play a few notes that he'd been playing before. Jon and Jay was nearby when he played a piano version of a techno piece the boys liked very much especially Jay. I believe the original was titled "Raver's fantasy". I was impressed by his playing. I took the opportunity to remind Jon that he too could play just as well if he kept practising as instructed by Wai Leng.

Looking at how my nephew played the many pieces from memory, I realised that this boy really loves music and I told him to go all out for the music degree. he'll have my support on condition he composes a special piece for me when he graduates. Mind you, this boy has a learning disability too but it's not Dyslexia. Before they migrated to melbourne and he was only in kiindy, he was getting quite withdrawn as the schools started to apply pressure on him.

His mum had explained to him how the move to Melbourne helped him. Apparently, the schooling system in Oz is very different from Malaysia in the sense that the school allows the child to progress at his own speed. They encourage the child to open up and grow instead of "conform or ship out". She was very thankful for being accepted as PR as otherwise they wouldn't be able to stay long enough for him to adapt and open up and she's been encouraging me to do the same.

I've been thinking about it but financial support has always been my greatest concern. They had a church to sponsor them when they went over and I don't plan to be supported by a church unless its a Buddhist church. Well, I'll just have to keep on planning.

Attention span and discipline

2010-07-07T11:39:00.000+08:00

Jon was taken to task by his chief swimming coach last night. As usual, he wasn't paying any attention and was looking everywhere except directly at the coach when the chief coach was talking to him about correcting his strokes to gain more power and speed.

Spoke to the coach later and found out that they had an similar problem with another boy much earlier. Asked how they managed to overcome the problem and was told that every time the trainee doesn't pay attention, he/she is 'punished' by having to do more than the others i.e instead of the usual 100 warm-up push-ups, they are asked to do say 200 to 500 push-ups. This is meted out if normal counseling fails. The coaches usually explain to the trainees why they need to do what they are told ad that is sufficient for the trainees to accept.

I wonder if all Dyslexics are like this. Is ADD/ADHD part and parcel of a dyslexic? Does Dyslexia causes ADD/ADHD to manifest in the person? In Jon's case, my observations during his Kindy days that his alleged ADD/ADHD was caused by his poor eye-sight. Since he couldn't see the board (Black or white), why should he pay attention to what's being written and shown there? The teachers compounded his attention issue by moving him to the back of the class where all the toys were.

Being in his shoes, what would you do when faced with this choice: a blurry white/black board that you cannot see and brightly colored toys that you can see?

We then got him corrective glasses. Now his dyslexia manifests itself. I've been wondering since whether his dyslexia was caused by the poor vision compounded by our "greenhorn" parenting or he really has dyslexia. Now Jay is exhibiting signs of the same in his school work but yet he speaks much better than Jon, reads better and seem to understand maths better too.

As if I don't have enough on my mind lately what with the prospects of moving into a new, more demanding job happening next week! Why can't technical jobs be paid just as high as sales? I'd like to see a company try to sustain its' business by just having sales people and no back-office personnel for support! Let's see how long they'll last!

Well, crunch time for Jon this weekend. He's in for 100m breaststroke and freestyle on Saturday followed by 50m breaststroke and freestyle on Sunday. I'm not going to push him for the top 3 places, I'll just push him to do his best and meet or break his training timings.

Spurring a Dyslexic onwards and upwards

2010-06-21T11:02:00.000+08:00

We've been on the receiving end of Jon's grumblings and complains about wanting to stop his swimming training recently. He was selected to take part in a swimming meet coming up in the first week of July so his coach has been pushing him hard to better his timing. All these while they've only been correcting his strokes and kicks and not pushing for fast times.

We've also gotten him a pair of brand new training flippers which is leaving a blister on his left ankle. Somehow, all the brand new plasters that we bought doesn't stay on beyond the first plunge! I'm contemplating getting him an ankle brace but I'm afraid that it would hinder his kicking or worse make him get used to a stiffer ankle movement and slow him down during the meet.

He's also not showing any interest in practicing his piano nor animation skills even after going for courses. We are at our wits' end trying to spark some interest in him for other things besides playing online games. He can sit in front of the PC playing this online game for hours on end but doesn't want to spend more than 10 minutes practicing his piano.

He plays his PSP till the battery dies, same goes for his gameboy too. Jay, on the other hand, can put these electronic toys aside when he gets tired or bored with the games.

I was told that Sam (Soon) needed absolute quiet so that she can read and remember while normally she'd be the one creating the noise in the house. I wonder if all dyslexics are like this. I have yet to see Jon read a book without pictures though I have reminded him many times before to start reading.

Showdown 2010

2010-06-17T09:08:00.001+08:00

Took the kids out last night to our first live Dance competition at KL Live Center, Jalan Sultan Ismail. It was organized by 8TV and was telecast Live too.

Entry Tickets were courtesy of Sam Soon (thanks, Sam for the free tickets. The advantage of being home-schooled....you get to stay up late n win free stuff off the TV!).

We (Sam's parents and us) were probably the oldest audience there besides the producers and security.

The dance was Hip-hop and Break-dance (modern dancing) and there were 7 group vying for the title. It's still in elimination rounds so no winner yet.

We left the house at about half past 7, drove to Jalan Sultan Ismail, joined the queue there and promptly missed the entrance to the center! Then I had to drive all the way down Sultan Ismail to go round the back along Jalan Perak and join in the queue there.

After arriving at the Center, we took a short break at the mamak stall downstairs. The organizers were warning up the crowd at the front entrance then.

Well, I think Jon and Jay enjoyed themselves last night though they had to stand through out the entire show. It started at 930pm sharp (Live telecast cannot delay one you know?). No complains until near the end. As far as I can tell, if Jon decides that dancing (Hip-hop n so on) is to be his calling, well..I'll let him do it as long as he doesn't give up the moment things get tough like his swimming training now. He's been chosen to participate in a swim meet next month so he's under going some rather intensive (compared to his earlier swimming training anyway) training. I've been sending him to the pool 1/2 an hour early so that he can warm up n stretch with the rest of the team but he's been complaining that he wants to quit swimming or he'd rather wait for mum to send him.

Now mum only reach home by 7pm n have her dinner by 730 while I'd usually rush home like a mad man to reach home by 630-645pm, have an early dinner and we'd be out of the house by 730pm.

We had several talks with him about him quitting swimming before the competition and we highlighted several points to him: 1) we had invested money in his gears, 2) the chief coach has faith in him and so do the other coaches, 3) if he quits now, what is there to stop him from quitting every time gets tough?

Not sure whether this got through to him or not, only time will tell.

Jay now wants to learn guitar but not going for lessons, he wants to learn on his own. A child-sized guitar costs between RM170 to RM500 (depending on brand). Though I've had lessons before (like 3 decades or more ago), I really need to spend time to pick it up again. Now with my pay constantly being late (like nearly 1 month late), my budgeting efforts have all gone to waste! And my pay's being done by an ISO-9001 company to make things worse. Looks like the ISO certification has entrenched the wrong attitude and work-processes!

Back to work

2010-06-07T14:41:00.001+08:00

1st day of work after the long MC...brain's already fried by 10am :( Jay's down with viral fever and Jon's at home without internet access nor PSP or Gameboy. Boy is he going to tear up the house!

21-June-2010*updateP

The tension headache's back...3 weeks of bliss n now it's back with a vengence! I didn't have much of a weekend to speak off as I'd spent most of my time popping painkillers and trying to regain some sleep. It's bad enough to wake me up in the middle of the night and the op just made it easier for me wake up!

Jon's 2nd public piece

2010-06-05T18:38:00.001+08:00

Here's his 2nd piece for the day...all without notes too.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5EP4nBTMVE

Search Amazon.com for dyslexia

Jon's 1st public piano performance

2010-06-05T18:36:00.002+08:00

Here's Jon's first public performance playing the piano http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvUgTY9O5bA. It was during Amrita Soon's "Sing for my guitar 2" session held at KKBC, Kota Kemuning, Shah Alam on 25 April 2010.

Search Amazon.com for dyslexia

SA op week 3

2010-06-03T16:19:00.000+08:00

Ever since I started to meditate on the pain three weeks ago I found that I can tolerate it better even though I still needed some pain relief to swallow food or drinks. The food needed to be blended and cooled and the drinks cold. This is a precaution against the hot stuff either irritating the scars or opening up the blood vessels before they can heal and seal properly.

day 2 - 5 was a struggle as I still didn't have enough energy to move around. I was discharged 5 days after the op n spent the next week on my butt sipping cold water instead of eating. By the end of the 2nd week, I was completely fed up of blended food esp porridge so I got myself some ice-cream. No joy either as the cold made my throat hurt more and nothing worse than cold Ice-cream up the nose n coming out the front courtesy of the snipped off portion of my back palate.

Didn't even have enough energy to get online much less answer my mobile. Finally, gathered enough energy to stay online for a few hours but only for a day in week 2. Now in week 3, much stronger as I can now take solids again. Lost a fair bit of blubber especially around the belly area. Hope to replace it with red meat aka muscles.

Had a scare in Penang over the Wesak weekend when I took a really refreshing hot shower after driving for nearly 5 hours straight. The second after drying myself, my right nostril started to bleed all over the washroom. managed to stop the bleeding after about 20 minutes of stuff my nose with toilet tissues. 20 minutes later started the whole bleeding nose thingy again when I bent down to unplug Jon's PSP charger so that he has to stop playing n go to sleep. Next day after wesak, went to the nearest pharmacy which coincidentally is located opposite the nearest 24-clinic in Batu Ferringhi/Tanjung Bunga area and stocked up on cotton balls to stuff my nose with. Also we got tooth brush for Jay and myself (left ours behind in the morning rush to leave before 11am the day before).

Well, now that we've gotten the paper work for Jon's 1 month leave from school done, we've got to plan how to send him to the learning center 3 times week starting next week. He's also going to participant in a club level swim meet next month in Seremban, his first competitive meet. Hope it doesn't turn him off swimming, his only exercise now.

Sleep Apnea op - day 1

2010-06-03T12:02:00.000+08:00

May 13th, 2010 - A day of infamy to most Malaysians 40 and above. 5 decades ago, a genocidal conflict organized by the losers of a local city council 'erection' to 'win' back the erection. Since then life has never been democratic.

But closer to home, I was scheduled to "shrink" the minor turbinates in my nasal cavity and the back portion of my tongue after lunch so I admitted myself in Pantai Indah, Ampang for the op.

2 hours later, I woke up from GA in great pain, did a near-death bed conversion and got rejected half-s-second later by God! I was in so much pain that I asked GOD to take me away. No thoughts of living on for my children or family...just instant death.

Half a second later (aka the next immediate thought) I meditated (the "Buddhist" aka semi-Burmeses way) on the pain and wished it be well and happy. I reflected that pain is the body's way of communicating to us that something is wrong with it. That pain is part n parcel of having a body that is subjected to change (aka decay n death).

In other words, GOD replied " Suck up the pain n grow some balls, boy! I didn't make you a Buddhist so that you can "fall back" on ME just because you can' take the pain. My plans for you is to remain a Buddhist n show the so-called 'born-again' followers of mine in your extended family that you can be a better human being without having to be one of them, 'sharing' the Truth their way!"

About the op =- what happened while I was under the GA was that the Doc found that I had a slightly bent soft bone in my nasal cavity, enlarged tonsils as well as an extra thick palate at the back of my mouth so since he's already in there, why not just 'repair' these in one go rather than reschedule for another op later on.

These were the cause of my pain.

Technorati Tags: sleep apnea, snoring, low energy, depression

Sleep Apnea Op

2010-05-11T08:37:00.001+08:00

Well, my op to reduce my snoring and sleep apnea has been scheduled for this Thursday 13 May. Hope it works out for me as I'm sick n tired of constantly feeling sick n tired.

It involves microwaving my lower turbinates (the organs that one sees inside one's nasal cavity), the back of my tongue (which was described as Level 4 blockage meaning the doc can't see my tonsils and uvula without using a tongue depressor n pushing down on my tongue) and a minor palatal cut (Kinda like a 'face-lift op for the back portion of my palate, just deep enough to remove some tissue n lift up the palate) to create some extra space at the back of my mouth.

All these means I won't be able to talk nor shout at anyone. A practice in patience and tolerance for at least two weeks. Or a silent retreat. And my boss wants me back at work the day after the op!

Its also a forced-diet two weeks on soft foods.

I'm hoping that this op can reduce my apnea episodes and re-energize me so that I can bring my work and personal life up a notch or two. A better quality of life you might say.

Sailfish for sale in Giant Kota Damansara

2010-04-13T11:43:00.000+08:00

An aside from dyslexia: this caught my eye (http://www.fishing.net.my/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=19652&whichpage=1) about a sailfish being sold on the 'fresh' fish counter of Giant Kota Damansara.

One: Does it taste like sawdust when cooked wrongly?

two: how does one cook sailfish?

three: buy it for the pets?

four: Its an apex predator like the shark, shouldn't we protect it like the sharks?

five: whose pockets are being lined by delaying the gazetting of protective laws against commercial harvesting of apex predators such as this sailfish?

six: Isn't it more lucrative and sustainable for the local community to take fishing 'kakis' (people, usually men, who are nuts over fishing) to Catch-Tag-n-Release these predators than commercially hunt-n-harvest them?

seven: very little information is known about sailfish biology, distribution, ecology, reproduction, etc to decide whether it is sustainable and viable to commercialize sailfish harvesting. Who has these facts n figures to back up the claim that we can catch-n-sell them?

Think deeply and reflect.

Can you tell? - part 2

2010-03-16T14:37:00.000+08:00

Jon's so matured now. Can't believe he's grown so much and come so far. Yes!!!! I'm vindicated n proven right to trust my feelings! I have listened to and followed the right advice from the right people!

Can you tell?

2010-03-16T09:14:00.000+08:00

Check out (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiLrqsiTkYY) or go to Youtube.com n search for Ah Family: Saving the Environment.

Is Jon really dyslexic? Can you tell?

Jon is now 13yo. After nearly 7 years of constant remedial work with teachers from the Persatuan Dyslexia Kuala Lumpur (including many years of 1-to-1 tuition with a teacher there) I now see the fruits of his labour!

This is proof that dyslexia is a gift that properly used, can be great! Oh, one more thing...half of those kids you see in the youtube....they're homeschooled! So non-homeschoolers, do not spend any more precious energy listening to the nay-sayers! Homeschooling kids do socialize...as long as their parents socialize! These homeschooling kids socialize better than most of the non-homeschooling kids as their parent/s have the time to take them out on shopping trips to learn more about life n stuff so much so much so that I envy them (the parents), having so much interaction with their kids whereas we, working parents, barely have enought time to work thru their homework n then get enough sleep.

Learning challenged children will definitely do better homeschooled than being in a regular school unless they are fortunate enough to have really good teachers to guide them.

By the way, one of the girls is dyslexic ...can you identify her? I've already given you a clue!

Security?

2010-03-14T16:15:00.000+08:00

Yesterday would be remembered well by Jay, my youngest. Our house was broken into last night while we were out for dinner. The thieves tore the rubberized stop of my auto-gate and cut the padlock at our grill door. They had left the main gate open n our neighborhood security guards on patrol saw the gate open while on their rounds. Fortunately for us, there were two wedding dinners going nearby n the hosts had requested for more frequent rounds by the guards; otherwise, no one would have noticed a missing car and lots more stuff from my house.

The guards thought we were in and called out to us for nearly 15 minutes before calling in their manager. The manager then called us to inform us that we had forgotten to close the auto-gate. Since they have no permission to enter our compound, they didn't know the thieves were still inside!

So the guards helped closed the gates and continued their rounds. When we came back about 40 minutes later, we noticed that the stairwell lights were on and the padlock missing from the grill door thought both the sliding glass doors and the grill doors were closed. Missus and maid went in to have a look-see downstairs while I waited in the car with Jay, engine running n the gates open wide for emergency escape. Once they saw the mess left behind, we called the security manager to come over for help. He arrived a few minutes later with a guard as backup.

We then asked him to accompany us in to check what the thieves had taken and also asked him to call for a patrol car's assistance. While waiting for the patrol car to arrive, we did a preliminary check for missing items and found that the thieves had run off with about RM4K and our maid's passport which were kept together in a bag, Jon's hand phone and missus' watch. Further checks with the patrol car's crew revealed nothing else of value was taken. All the locked drawers were broken in, the rooms ransacked and my car unlocked with the keys still in the house.

My company's laptop was still where I had left it on Friday after work and my digital camera was still in its bag which they had taken out from the storage cupboard.

The cops' guess was that the security guys had found the gates open just after the thieves had gone in and while the manager was on the line with us, the thieves were planning their escape which they did right after the guards closed our gates n left. Hence so many valuables and expensive stuff were left behind. They had to run without making too much noise attracting the neighbors. Strangely, our next door neighbors didn't report their dog was barking like crazy through out the break-in.

Jay was so frightened though he didn't show it, that he vomited and my hands were shaking like a leaf that I couldn't dial my mobile. By the time the Investigating officer arrived, we had settled done a bit and Jay was ready for bed. All in all, the patrol car responded within 10 minutes of getting the call from their dispatch which took about nearly another 10 minutes to get through on a mobile. The first call wasn't successful due to bad lines.

Jon, whom this blog is about, was safely and happily away at a 3-day, 2-night Dharma Camp at KKBC. When everyone settled down at about 1230am, Jay knocked off almost immediately and I had a 'badder-than-usual' sleepless night generously sprinkled with nightmares and a few dreams. Tomorrow's going to be a very hectic and busy day for us; going to Brickfields for the official police report, then off to the Indonesian Embassy for the temporary passport for the maid.

Today In History

2007-06-06T16:09:00.000+08:00

When you're born n bred in Alor Setar, Kedah and especially if one or both of your parents were born n bred in Alor Setar, Kedah, you are more than likely to have crossed paths with some of Kedah's most prodigious sons & daughters the likes of the late Tunku Abdul Rahman and former PM & First Lady Tun Dr. M and Tun Dr. Siti Hasmah respectively.

In my parents' case, they were the latter: former Malaysian PM Tun Dr. Mahathir Mohammad and Tun Dr. Siti Hasmah. My father were in the same school as Dr. M (several years Dr.M's junior) but a strong friendship was built between them despite the years.

Well, today will be well remembered by my mum at least coz dad was nowhere in sight when it happened. It was memorable for me, too!

So what happened?

Tun Dr. Siti Hasmah personally called my parents at my brother's place in Singapore. Of course I had given her the contact number in the first place. I had finally decided to become the intermediary after several years of procrastination.

While Dr.M was in office, I felt that it wouldn't be advisable even they have every right to renew their friendship. Dr. M had his detractors (and he still does) then who were always on the lookout for every excuse to topple him from office or at the very least, make life very difficult for him and I didn't want to get my parents involved in such politic-king.

Now that Dr. M is no longer in office and incumbent PM Datuk Seri Abdullah is in his "groove", I felt safe enough to venture the initial contact to Tun Dr. Siti Hasmah. I wrote a short letter introducing myself and gave her my parents' contacts and posted the letter (of course being the perennial procrastinator, I'd left the letter sitting on my work desk for about 3 days before writing down Tun's address).

I think she'd received the letter yesterday or early this morning coz by the time I'd come back from sending Jay to Day-care, at about 10.30am, my mum had called me at home. Before I could get my mobile out of the belt case, Tun Dr. Siti Hasmah called me on it.

Surprised hardly describes how I felt then. First thought was "Shit! Did I forget a doctor's appointment today?". Second thought "Is this doctor from the Blood bank calling me with bad news?" (I'm a regular blood donor). She had to repeat her name several times before it sank in that I have THE Tun Dr. Siti Hasmah on the other end of my mobile.

Well, now that I have the former First Lady on the line, what do I do?....thoughts flashed through my mind..."how do I address her?", "Yang Amat Berhormat's such a tongue twister and too long"..."'YAB' sounds too informal"...finally settled for "Tun" though I had made up my mind some time back to address them as Doctor for they had worked hard to earn it and no one could take it away from them.

She was very pleasant to talk to and she remembered little details of my letter. Sure, she could have had the letter in her hand as she spoke. What struck me was that she called my parents! I had expected a short hand-written note (like the one my dad received from Dr. M while he was in office, my dad showed it to me the day he received it) or a letter. But for her to personally call and talk to my parents? And for her to ask for my number to thank me for giving the contact details? Says a whole lot about her as a person.

So what did we talk about? Little things to refresh their memories of my parents. Little things like what my mum did since they last met, what my dad worked as before retirement. I gave her a brief history lesson on my parents' activities prior to retirement!

One thing stayed clear in my mind from our conversation: she too had problems getting the Government especially the Education Ministry to make some forward progress for the both the learning and physically disabled while she was the President of BAKTI! I was left with the impression that BAKTI was allowed to be setup to keep the wifes busy while the hubbies attended to important stuff. FYI, BAKTI is an organization set up and run by the wifes of Malaysia's leaders to provide assistance to individuals who need assistance and attention (www.mind.org.my).

She still feels strongly for BAKTI's contributions and work though she's "retired" as President for she's still very much involved with MIND-The Malaysian Information Network on Disabilities which works very closely with BAKTI.

What she and mum talked about I'll never know but I did tell Tun that she can get a hold of dad when he's over at my place this weekend...much cheaper local call. I'll just have to wait for that call to come through. My kids have no idea who is Tun Dr. SIti Hasmah or Tun Dr. Mahathir nor understood what the fuss was all about!

One day, I'll dig out some of faded photos n show them who Dr. M and their granddad looked like in Secondary School uniforms and also photos of Tun Dr. M and Tun Dr. Siti Hasmah when he was in office.

6 June 2007 - Kuala Lumpur

2B or not 2B...

2007-05-21T11:39:00.000+08:00

To Be or Not To Be ...

...involved in controversy, that is. Our Sunday School and learning center was embroiled in some controversy recently and my missus feels that we (meaning my family and I) should or rather shouldn't be involved in the controversy.

What pray tell is the controversy, you ask? Well, it started when a new center for the local Buddhist community was planned for nearby and the then-ex-co of my kids' Sunday school-n-center was asked to assist in fund-raising.

SO...where's the controversy? The controversy is whether the present center (a separate entity from the new center) should continue to exist along side the new one or not. I don't see any problems other than the potential financial strain on the local community for funds.

I am sure that with proper planning and infusing our thoughts n actions with Compassion, we can raise funds without taxing the community. For example, the two centers can share the funds thus collected between them.

SO...where again is the controversy? It lies in the actions of the people. Some were in favor of closing the old (and an entirely different entity) and moving into the new. Why move? Better facilities, better environment, better prospects. Huh? Come again? Better prospects?

Ok...SO...besides better prospects (for whoever or whatever), where again is the controversy? It lies in the approach of the people. Things were rather calm and collected when the “move” was being discussed (without the knowledge of the parent body of the “old” center, why? I'm not privy to know. I suppose it's a need to know basis; I don't need to know and parent body also doesn't need to know...whatever you say,bro!)

Then all Samsara broke loose when the parent body found out about the decision to close down n move (finally someone there learned to read their emails!) and gave instructions to keep the center open. Well and fine, so this means someone need to stay back to run things. It seems everyone involved with the move had expected a care-taker committee from the parent body to runs things but NO! The principal of the Sunday School decided to stay back and so did the Chairman of the center!...Good Heavens! That is just not on! Something must be done!

Something indeed was done. A massive lobbying effort the likes of the Ijok by-election was carried out, causing much confusion where none was need. Once-peaceful families were torn asunder by the 'ultimatum' decision of to stay or not to stay with the old center! I heard that personal attacks were even brought out as part of the “arsenal”. Maybe they wanted it to become an “arse-on-a-nail” experience for someone.

Here lies the controversy...can families be apart one day a week and still remain a family? A resounding YES, of course!!! After all, families are being forced apart by choice daily at least 5 days of the week! The kids go to school, the parents to the office. BUT we're together at the end of the day. Most Saturdays are together-days for many families so being apart for the spiritual well-being of the family on Sundays shouldn't be an issue at all. But no! Mums & kids MUST follow dad or dads MUST follow mums & kids. Some kids say their friends are there so they MUST go.

Can't mums & dads take turns attending the kids? Doesn't mums n dads have the freedom to decide where they want to be this week or the next? Why must everyone be at one place and one place only and not 'either...or'? I heard some mums decided 'neither...nor' since they can't have 'either...or'.

I wonder why parents haven't taught their kids self-reliance, thinking for themselves and not to 'follow the crowd'. Maybe they did and maybe the kids thought it'd be cool to hang out with friends and “Dharma-shmarma! Hang the teachers! I've got my friends here n we're going to gossip to our hearts' content!”

Being a member of one center does not exact such dedication that one will attend activities in another center only upon-threat-of-death! This 'dedication', if I can use the term, is frivolous especially in the light that many involved in the 'Move' decision had spent many hours and much energy n effort in establishing the 'old' center.

By being so strongly for the closure of the 'old' center really begs this question: what's so greatly prized at the new center that the efforts and recognition of so many contributors in building and growing the old center is to be cast aside so easily?

Why wasn't the lack (which was mentioned as reason for the move) at the old place acted upon in the past when it became known? Was knowledge of the lack swept under some proverbial carpet?

Why the very strong reaction against the decision by some to stay? Why the intense lobbying? Why the intense hob-nobbing? Why indeed!

As a rather active (then)non-member, I was perplexed by this and still am. Which is why I decided to be more active in the decision-making process. I cannot stand idly by and see my children's only doorway to the Buddha-Dhamma slammed shut by the decisions of a few made (apparently) for the many. This was and is the only place that offers focused activities-based Dhamma education and I have seen what activity-based education can do.

I have experienced focused Dhamma education and training. It was literally an eye-opener. My Dharma “eye” opened a crack, enough for me to see past cultural influences and see the Dhamma underneath the various schools of Buddhism. It open enough for me to experience some minor mental calm arising from focused meditation. Book knowledge was transformed into personal experience.

These personal transformations changed my life and perspective enough for me to walk a different path from my brother and my parents' plans for my children.

I would like...no, want... others to be able to experience these transformations themselves; especially the children. The first school-going kids I met at a Buddhist center were so much different from the ones at the present Sunday school. Those kids had great self-discipline. The whole family took part in meditation retreats during school breaks. They are normal, regular kids keen on centering themselves but NOT spoilt, self-centered brats.

Chewing gum and SMS-ing during Puja and lessons? How self-centered can you get? If the kids are like this, how are the parents? These ore the future Buddhist community leaders? We are going to be in deep poo-doo if nothing is done to rehabilitate these children!

YES, that's right! Rehabilitate! Coz if they don't have the self-restraint to stop SMS-ing, chit-chat, chewing gum or even put their mobiles into silent mode during puja, lessons or talks/discussions, there's no stopping them! They are, in the future, going to repeat History again.

I ask again – why the intense effort to close the 'old' center? Why the intense lobbying? If there IS something of great prize there? IS it there for the community or is it personal? What IS there for the children? I know there are lots of rooms and facilities. Will the children be pushed aside for the adults? Can it be guaranteed that the children will not be cast aside for the adults?

Best of luck to the teachers and principal of the new center! The doors are always open, you only need to decide whether to step through or not.

Sukhi Hontu!

Kevin – 21 May 2007 - KL

ps. this is definitely worth more than two cents; at least one teh-tarik worth!

Our Role as A Parent, Adult and Educator Revisited

2007-05-14T12:41:00.000+08:00

14 May 2007

Since my last blog on this topic, I had been "drafted" to be a teacher to said Sunday School. Well, I survived the first year and am now going into my 2nd. Upon reflection, in all my Sunday school experience I have never, ever met such a group of students.

Angels they are not! Some of them were the most indisciplined, disrespectful kids I have ever come across. To top it all off, their parents are not some lowly paid, unschooled, blue collared workers but are on the other end of the spectrum! Grads with BAs, MAs and what-have-yous. Highly educated leaders or at least respected members of the Buddhist community!

These kids lie down n point their feet to the main shrine, chit-chat or SMS on the mobile, chew gum during Puja. In class, they hold separate conversations with their nearby friends while the teacher is attempting to impart instructions for the session's activities.

Why, then are their children so badly behaved? One reason comes to mind (well, in truth several but more on them later), spare the rod, spoil the child! These are not kids with learning disabilities, they are regular normal kids who have taken up one of the most disciplined art - Wu Shu. Any Master worth his/her salt would tell you the strict regimented training they had to go thru in order to learn the art from their Master/s.

So what happened to the discipline? Lost in translation? Perhaps. Lost because there were no master/pupil contract? Probable. One thing is very clear to me, Wu-Shu will NOT put discipline in the kids as they are only exposed to the teacher/master for a few hours a week. Of course, if the child is under going long-term tutelage and the teacher is a master of the art, then he/she will demand the utmost discipline from the student in question.

So, who then should instill discipline into the children? The teachers at school, tuition and the Sunday classes? The day-care? The kakaks at home? The grand-parents? The parents?

For the modern, small, urban family, the responsibility lies squarely and firmly on the shoulders of the parents! Having an extended family helps but most times, grandparents tend to spoil the grandkids silly especially if the lucky kids happens to be the only grandson or child!

In the Sigalovada sutta (i think), the Buddha instructs on how to bring up a child e.g the first 7 years of life is spent under the care of the mother, the next 7 under the care of the father, the 7 years after that under tutelage of a teacher/spiritual master and so on. Basic instructions on how to run a business can also be found here i.e. how much to save or to spend on who.

My first experience as an adult interacting with primary school kids in a Dharma class was very different. The kids were very disciplined and respectful. They know they were there to learn and learn they did. They even went on meditation retreats with the college-going kids and adults! BTW, most of the said parents were the college-going kids then. So what happened to the respect and discipline the then-college students learnt? Why weren't these taught to their kids? Only the parents can answer that...if they are willing to look within for the answer and publicly admit the responsibility.

An update, I'm about to be "drafted" into the ex-co of the Center. Damn! I seem to keeping getting 'drafted' left and right, I'm surprised SM Lee hasn't 'drafted' me into PAP! Then again, he's looking for grads only and I'm not a grad. Luckily for me, Tun Dr. M doesn't know where I live though he (n missus) knows my parents personally, otherwise I'd be "drafted" into some party function or something (wonder why I've never been 'drafted' to a 'rave' party 8-(?)

FYI, the most of the unruly, disrespectful kids' parents were primarily ex-co members and a few teachers. Anyway, the kids were beyond 7 years old and probably too old to straighten out without breaking something. As the Malay saying goes "kalau melentur aur, biarlah waktu rebung".

Well, here lies the end of my shortest blog thus far. I shall continue to update you all on my "NS" experience in the ex-co as Life continues to unfold.

KevinL - KL, malaysia

Of Hearts and Minds – 25 Aug 2005 [updated 14 May 2007]

2007-05-14T12:32:00.000+08:00

Just found out recently that a relative of mine had joined an MLM company allegedly to be around for more than 100 years. We (my missus and I) had been introduced to this product some time in the past by an old friend of hers.

I tell you the encounter was unpleasant not because of the products but because of the friend’s support group. Do you realize that these “people” cannot accept ‘No’ for an answer?

When you hesitate or begin to disagree with them, they’ll gang-up on you and pretty darn near verbally beat you to death for saying ‘No’. They’ll use fear on you. Fear of losing out, fear of being labeled a “loser”, of having a closed mind. ‘Kia-su’ would be an apt description of how they’ll try to make you feel.

I’ve such an encounter before…but not at the receiving end though…at the giving end. When I left my IT job in the early 2000s, I joined a “Direct Marketing” company in PJ.

Now these people would go to great lengths to point out the minute differences between Direct Selling (DS) and Direct Marketing (DM). Sounds the same to me coz the techniques are the same. Make a list; DS wants a list of your friends, relatives and close contacts while DM makes a list of prospective strangers or locations where the chances of closing a sale is highest, next highest and so on.

Then you make the cold calls, sales pitch n if that fails to make a sale, you use fear. The fear of losing out to the Jones. You know? Like what you see on the telly and papers and hear on the radio. It’s in their training.

One thing that’s really different about DM is that in order to meet your target, make sure nothing and I mean NOTHING stands in your way; be it a lowly security guard or a high security area. If the building rules require you register with the front desk, they’ll try to find an alternate way of entering…through the car park entrance, pretend to use the toilet, whatever. Made me really uncomfortable.

I was not brought up to bend or break rules like that. I firmly believe that there are only two ways of doing something, the right way and the wrong way. My conscience just wouldn’t let me forget it. I just had to leave even though I’d made pretty good figures everyday in the two weeks I was in.

Now back to my young relative…

Reading his email reply to my comments posted on the family’s unofficial email forum, I get the impression that I’d somehow insulted his decision to join and had placed him on the defensive.

His explanation was not something I’d expect from a Direct Selling person. He quoted that company’s long history and how the product has aesthetic value that appreciates over time, etc. Most telling was that money was not a factor in his decision. The ‘Doubting Thomas’ in me said “yeah, right! And Uncle Lim and brood up the hill are willing to donate 50% of their daily income to Pure Life Society and the Montfort Boys Home!”.

It was really easy for me to dismiss his decision. But I reminded myself that my experience is uniquely mine and his will never ever be the same. He has every right to believe in whatever he wants and I have no right to say otherwise. Reading the reply a second time still didn’t lower the protests from “Thomas” but I gave him my support in his decision… I hope it come across as that in the email. Not being able to read the subtle nuances of human communications along with the body language makes it very hard to read between the lines and feel the sincerity (or the lack thereof) of the speaker.

Anyway, what I have noticed in my many encounters with MLM-ers is that if they firmly believe in the products and company, they can go very far and build very strong businesses. I mentioned in my reply to his reply that sometimes the mind tends to rationalize the decision that was made out of fear when the heart said ‘No’ but fear of losing said ‘Yes’.

In the course of my ‘research’ on self-improvement and self-healing, I had found much has been said of the human body expresses any conflicts from a mismatch between the body/mind and soul/heart as pain, stress or even disease (minor or major) such as cold sores, sore throats, migraines, coughs and colds, etc. Some alternative healing methods are even able to identify the 'causes' of these physical sufferings.

Authors such as Deepak Chopra and Mark Victor Hansen get lots of sales of their books because of this mismatch. Countless websites have sprung up in attempts to address or resolve it. One such website is run by Gary Craig who calls his form of healing as EFT (www.emotfree.com). Lots of testimonials. I’ve had limited success using it. I get the feeling that I’ll get better results if I’d purchased the full VCD/DVD/Video training series.

I have a friend who used to be in the corporate world but now she’s a Healer in Reiki (www.reiki.org), crystals, Shiatsu and maybe a few more including Regression Therapy. All of these sounds like mumbo-jumbo but her personal experience on successful treatments say otherwise. The human mind is so complex that after all these years of success and countless theories by noted psychologists (ole’ Sigmund F among them) still haven’t been able to make any progress in expanding our understanding and our treatment of mind-related illnesses. ADHD, ADD, etc. have been linked to chemical imbalance of the brain.

But do you realize that when the mind and heart agrees on a decision, it is life changing? Look at Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela. These great people not only changed their own lives but also have affected the rest of the world! Nearer home, have you ever noticed how a child behaves when he/she has decided on something?

My eldest, Jon, is so keen on getting his own Gameboy that all we have to do now is to threaten to remove this treat to get him to behave. Good thing too as I’m getting worried about him getting immune to threats of physical punishments. I made him a promise; behave himself for 6 months (I track him on a calendar, a cross if he’s been naughty n a checkmark if he’s been behaving) and I’ll get him a Gameboy by end of December.

At one point, he wanted so much to play on a Gameboy, he was willing to eat his most dreaded enemy, veggies! Just one little bite was enough to make him puke. He was willing to eat one whole spoonful in order to be able to go to my friend’s house and play with his daughter’s Gameboy.

To date (14 May 07), he still haven’t “earned” the Gameboy or Playstation yet. His revulsion for veges seems stronger than his need for video games.

Well, I’m focusing on helping him control his distracted mind, making use of the opportunity to control mine as well. Am using simple meditation as the tool. Also getting him involved in a Dharma School on Sundays.

In the meantime, Life goes on….

Kevin – KL, Malaysia 14 May 2007

Moulding Young minds (besides your own)

2005-10-28T23:56:00.000+08:00

24/10/2005

I'd just volunteered to teach 10-11 year olds at my kids' Sunday Dhamma class... well, I sorta "volunteered" earlier n my good friends, KV & wife 'reaffirmed' my intentions to the organizing committee.

I've been having sleepless night twondering how and what to teach these young 'sponges' whilst I'm still learning how to teach n guide my own twosome. Off the top of my head, I had this 'inspiration' of recapping what the other teacher had taught the previous week n getting the kids to act out the lesson. Of course, I realise that this would only be fun for a very short while.

I also had this 'inspiration' of teaching the kids meditation, particularly Metta or Loving Kindness meditation with a sprinkling of Mindfulness of breathing (Anapannasati) meditation to calm them down. If only I know Tai-chi, I could get them to burn off their excess energy doing tai-chi before settling down for the lessons.

On the other hand, I could just ask them questions to stir up their little young minds and encourage independant thought rather than the state-sanctioned rote-learning, listen-n-follow-to-the-teacher-only-type education they're getting from everyday school.

I wonder if I'll have the parents and other teachers up in arms 3 months into next year when they realized that their 'obedient' and 'orderly' kids had suddenly begun to show signs of independant thought after being in my care.

12/09/2006

Well, I had my first "crisis" last Sunday. One of my students' younger sister was teased by the brother's classmates and she retaliated. When I tried to separate them, she started to panic and ended up wailing n crying. Big brother was no help as he tried to shy away from her. Had to 'enlist' help from the school's principal before he 'took' back his responsibility as big brother.

Wonder if she'll ask her parents to drop her off at her 'tai kor's' class next. Guess I'll just have to wait n see.

Our Role As A Parent, Adult and Educator – From a “Buddhist” parent’s perspective

2005-08-14T16:35:00.000+08:00

I’d just came back from a Sunday Class with Jonathan, my eldest boy where something happened that made me question our being there and most importantly, our roles as parent, adult and educator to children, not just ours but every child out there, related or otherwise.

A member of the committee running the centre decided, somewhat arbitrarily, to cancel the Puja and hymn singing session that all the kids (at least my boy and my close friend’s girls) were expecting. Why? Because they have a very important speaker from overseas coming to give a talk.

This was the second surprise the centre had given me. The first occurred on my first visit there. Some visit that turned out to be. The doors weren’t open n there was a piece of paper notifying the parents that all classes had been cancelled…because an important visitor was giving a talk nearby…for the adults, of course. So where did we go since the classes were off? Where the kids wanted to go, where else? After all, it was their enthusiasm to learn that we’re there in the first place. Of course, we parents did build up their eagerness to learn about Buddhism, the religion/belief system/practice of their parents (well, in my case, one parent. Not sure what the other half believes in).

This incident made me question the centre’s intention in setting up a Sunday school/class for kids at the centre, which also has Sunday activities for adults/parents.

Why did you all decide to run the Sunday School? To earn through subscriptions? Nope, don’t think so. Not for 30 bucks per year! Perhaps hoping to get more donations from the parents? Possible, parents have greater spending power than school-going kids.

Or was it to make the centre known? For what? That you have a well-known Buddhist speaker as your patron? That you have corporate leaders in your fold? Might as well fold up your “Buddhist” activities and start a social club then. Better chances in getting funding.

NO! I believe you all had decided to start the Sunday school because you all believe that learning should begin early and that the children should be taught the principles of Buddhism so that they’ll become a better person and a contributing citizen of Malaysia. Why else would the verse “may this country be blessed with Peace, etc, etc” (or something that that effect) be included in the Puja.

Never have I come across such a Puja, most would have concluded with the Salutations to the Triple Gems or the chanting of Parittas or the Gathas (offerings of flowers, food and incense). I have participated in Pujas in the past (when I was very active in Buddhist centres).

Noble intentions indeed! But I believe it was lost on these two occasions. Not intentionally (I hope).

What did the children learn from these two unfortunate occasions? That their needs were not as important as the adults? That the teachers’ needs far outweigh the needs of the children? If so, isn’t that a selfish decision on the part of the ‘grown-ups’?

As a parent, I now begin to understand the sacrifices my parents made while I was still young. I’m still young….when compared with my parents and other elders.

I digress. Back to my bone of contention…as I’d mentioned, I was active in a Buddhist centre once in the past. We used to conduct regular weeklong meditation retreats and we’d attend them in turns. At least two of us would stay back to ensure that the regulars and visitors are still able to participate in Dharma classes, Puja and meditation classes.

We also ran Sunday classes back then and by taking turns (especially the English and Mandarin-speaking), we’d ensured that classes in both languages ran as scheduled and that those not able to attend the meditation retreats still have a place to go to learn and practice.

By making such decisions, I wondered if they’d realize that they are telling the children that they (the kids) are not important and that their needs are also not important. Is that what parenting is about? Is that what education is about? Is that what being an adult is about? That when we’re children and our parents, in their blissful ignorance, had treated us in a similar fashion so we repeat the pattern by doing the same to our next generation?

Sounds like some juvenile “ragging” to me. When I got married, I’d told myself that I’d not repeat the negative parenting techniques that my parents had used on me, on my kids. I’m still in the process of changing as I became more aware of my reactions (not responses, two very different things) to my children’s antics. The rotan’s still here in the house but a whole lot further from reach than before. I’m learning to respond now rather than the instinctive ‘react’.

Not easy as it sounds, what with the stress from work and all, I’m sure you’ll all agree.

So, if catering to the “needs” of the adults means that needs of the children are put aside, what are we really teaching the children? What kind of leaders, “pillars of the community” are they going to be? What would happen to learning the Buddha’s Teachings (Buddha Dhamma/Buddha Dharma to the ‘hard-core’ perfectionists in our midst)? Would it be put aside so that their material needs are met, be it the need to be a part of this community known as ‘Buddhist” or the need to participate in a “Buddhist” activity to assuage the “missing” part of their being called Buddhists?

Most of the attendees of the Buddhist Talks would never show up again until another ‘important’ speaker comes, better if he/she/them are foreign. These ‘listeners’ will show up in droves, I tell you! I’d rather not attend least I be known as a hypocrite. I have my own way of learning the Buddha Dharma, my own way of practicing it. However, I acknowledge I do not have the skill to teach it, to educate others in it. Therefore, I look for Sunday Schools.

So, again, I ask of you, the members of the Buddhist centre, why are you there? Why did you start the Sunday school? What were your aspirations when you volunteered to teach/lead the Sunday school? What are your aspirations now, when there’s a speaker giving a talk that you’ll very like to hear? What are you willing to sacrifice? I believe leaders do have to make some sacrifices from time to time for the greater good of the team. As a parent, I too have to make sacrifices along the path of parenthood for the better good of my children.

AS a Mahayanist, where is your Bodhisattva spirit? I know you Hinayana guys out there might say, “there is no self therefore no Bodhisattva spirit within or without”.

Zen and Chan schools actively promote Non-self, (which, BTW, are part of Mahayana)so to do Hinayana (Theravada) schools.

This being the case, why be selfish n cancel classes so that you can go listen to a talk? Matsushita™, Sony™ and the likes didn’t spend all those R & D money designing and selling cassette and CD players for fun, you know? That’s what cassette recorders are for, to record so that you can play it back at a more convenient time! Again and again and again and again...just like the Energizer bunny!

DVD recorders are now available, someone in your midst would be geek enough to have one or a vintage video tape recorder will do as well. Creative® and the likes didn’t do R & D in desktop editing for fun, too, you know?

Spare a thought for the children. They are at their most vulnerable and most impressionable part of their lives now and you have the opportunity to be part of their lives. You have the opportunity to guide and mould them to be “pillars of strengths” in society. A small sacrifice in your part but for the greater good of their future…our own future! – Remember, they determine your retirement home.

To quote one of my favorite movie character, Mr. Spock,

“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one”

Now, there’s a Buddhist for you. Question: where does children stand for you with regards to the above quote? Didn’t Prince Siddartha give up his luxurious palatial life for Eternal Freedom from the vicious cycle of rebirth and suffering, for the good of all mankind, for the good of all sentient beings? Did he not give up his needs (the needs of the one) for the needs of the many?

Do you not aspire to be like the Buddha, the Bodhissatvas and the Noble Sangha?

Kevin Low - Kuala Lumpur

Sunday, August 14, 2005 16:30:56